Recently i read something on the web that irked me to the point that i felt like puking.The contents was ridiculous, and the person (s) involved, was simply biased and unobjective, using unnecessary language and attacking people.

Why i felt the way i did actually had little to do with who and what they were discussing… but more of the way that they were doing so. I was taught from young, respect for people, even people you do not like. These people… *shake head*

Envy and jealousy can make some people so ugly.

It used to be that what these people can say bother me a lot. But having learnt so much, and matured much more (not age! Thinking!), some of these have become a joke. The others, simply a pain in the butt, somewhat like the irritating houseflies that keep buzzing around something that smells really nice. I know now that however annoying those flies are, we gotta remember, that if the food IS good, you gotta deal with the flies. Keep them out, swat them, kill them, whichever it is, the food is good, that’s why the flies appear.

Jealousy is the tribute that the mediocre pay to the genius.

Just concentrate on what you love, do what you do best and be the best.

That’s all that is, really.

2010 is here

2010 is here and one week past. I guess it’s still not too late now to review the past year.

2009 has been a blast – and a roller coaster.  I do realise that i’ve said pretty much the same thing for 2008 but it has been one and i think will continue to be. 2009 ended with a marathon of show and showcrew for two shows.In fact, we ended 2009 and welcomed 2010 with a big countdown in J C’s car. It was fun… actually the first time ever that i’ve done any countdown. We were all sitting precariously in J C’s car with the props and going: “5… 4… 3… 2… 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!”

*grin*

Looking back, seeing as to the big and major events of 2009, everything feels surreal. There were times when I felt that things were getting too much to bear, and i thought i would break down, but i didn’t. And then there were times when things almost felt too good to be true, but it really was. I’ve learnt a lot… about good things and even bad.

Regardless, there are many (many) people to thank and to be grateful to. Unfortunately too many to write out one by one… so in general:

My family and my angels remain a constant in my life. They are my pillars and my support. Without my angels i might have never survived and most definitely would never be where i am today. My friends keep me rooted and make sure i’m buoyed when needed. Thank you.

2009 has been very notable – first TV appearance, more responsibility, less burden and more support. 2010, i’m confident will bring more. I will graduate and turn full time. There are big things planned, and things  seem to be rushing and zooming past so everything happens at superlight speed.

I’ll take my time, enjoy the process and learn as much as i can.

2010……… i look forward to what you will bring. =)

Like dust, I’ll rise.

The human hand is not made to withstand car door slammings. I testify to that statement – having slammed the car door on my finger and now having to type with one finger MIA. In any case, it seemed that because of that, the throbbing pain caused me to me unable to sleep properly and i had a bad dream.

In my dreams, no one believed in my ordeal that i had underwent (no one being who specifically? i cannot remember). It was a horrible feeling. And i was reminded how lucky i was that my angels believed in me giving me so much love and support. The nights have gotten much easier to pass, and i have become so much stronger. I deal much better with triggers than before.

I hope that one day soon i may be able to help more people just like how my angels stood by me and helped me.

Not a victim, but a survivor.

You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I’ll rise.

-Maya Angelou

Extremely long quiz…

… which i have no idea why i started doing. Break time from work and headache.

1.What have you been doing recently?
Work, work, work, magic, magic, magic, study. (In that order and in that amount )

2. Do you ever turn your cellphone off?
Usually my cell is on 24/7, both cellphones. Unless it’s exams.

3. What happened at 10.00 am today?
The world was still turning, things happened, someone lived, someone died, but all through that time, i was still sleeping.
4. When did you last cry?
HEH. Not too far off from today.

5. Believe in fate/destiny?
Depends on fate/destiny for what, but usually, yes. Nothing is an accident.

6. What do you want in your life right now?
More magic… LOL. Honestly, my life now is great. I could never have imagine it a few years ago. It can only get better.

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
I love walking in the rain. I wish i can do that right now.

8. What’s your favourite thing to have on your bed?
Myself. Believe me, i haven’t had any days recently where i had the luxury to lie on my bed and just lie around. Usually i’m asleep within a nano of a second.

9. What shirt are you wearing now?
FILAAAAAAAA

10. What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
I have many of them. All i can’t bear to delete. A msg that someone will always be there for me, another thanking me for a job well done, three video msg for my birthday i refuse to delete… Every single one precious.

11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
I don’t know about that… i haven’t been in one.

12 . Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
Nope.

13. What was the last movie you caught?
My Sister’s Keeper

14. What are you proud of?
Reaching this stage in my life… being able to overcome obstacles i thought i could never. Proud that i’m a survivor.

15. What does the oldest message in your inbox say?
A vid msg from XX.

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Xiao Qing Ge

17. Do you have any nicknames?
How about stage names instead? Kinetic Gal. And don’t even remind me of the old stage name that i went by. Erase that from your memory please.

18. What does your last received message say?
Hugs…

21. Who gives you the best advice?
J C and Ning.

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
Not something i usually do… since we don’t have whipped cream at home.

23. Who did you talk to on the phone last night?
Hmm… Clients.

24. Is anyone bugging you right now?
No. Aaron’s gone to bed. (thank god)

25. What/Who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
Christy’s b’day party. It was such fun!

26. Do you wear toe socks?
I used to. But gave up – oh the trouble of fitting each toe into one segment!

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
Mum.

28. Have you ever had your heart broken?
More than once it did feel broken.

29. Who annoys you the most in person?
One hypocrite.

30. Do you have any crush on anyone?
No..

31. Have you ever done cocaine?
Only drank Coke, never the cocaine coke.

32. What is the colour of your room?
Orange on one wall… i love orange!

33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
USD??

34. Do you believe in the saying of: talk is cheap?
All talk no action… yes.

35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
Me.

36. Who was the last person to hug you?
Ning jie.

37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
… I guess you’re not asking about my mum are you.

38. Do you have a life?
Yes.. a MAGICAL one so far.

39. Have you ever thought someone died when they really didn’t die?
Dreamt of it? Yes, and i cried like a baby throughout. Thought that someone did when they didn’t? No.

40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
Haven’t had a profile song…

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
I’d rather not say.

42. What is the reason behind your msn nick?
my name is the reason my nick is me.. LOL!

43. Have you changed this year?
Yes, major major change and i hope for the better.

44. What are you listening to right now?
my own clicking keyboard sounds.

45. Are you talking to someone when you’re doing this?
No.

46. Do you walk with your eyes opened or closed?
Opened.. DUH!

47. Is there a quote you live by?
Nothing is an accident.

48. Do you have someone you cannot have?
??????
49. Have you ever played an instrument?
Piano, guitar. (I presumed music)

50. What was the worst idea you’ve had in this week?
oh wells…

51. What were you doing last night at 11pm?
Working on Magic Boutique stuff

52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
I’m in love with my life if that’s what you mean.

53. What song best decribed your love life?
N.A.

54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
–

55. Who/what always make you laugh?
The people in studio… Crazy magical family i have.

56. Do you speak any other language other than english?
Chinese and nothing else if you’re talking about at least a conversational capability. This is despite having taken french lessons. Sigh.

57. Favourite website(s)?
J C and Ning’s blog. I love their quirky updates!

59. What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to chiong my ecommerce report; and go support larry.

60. Who do you think you are like?
I look like my mum and my bro (so say many people) but i’m distinctively crazily uniquely quite ADE.

61. Who will you choose to die with?
hMMm… need some time on this question.

62. Where have you been today?
Parties!

63. What game do you play often?
Guess the show, longest breathe etc etc… though more of me hosting than playing……

64. Who are you missing right now?
Many people actually. I miss my friends.

65. If you have to choose between friends and love, who will you choose?
How can one choose between right hand and left hand?? My friends have played such a vital role in my life i think right now, off handed i’d say friends. But i wouldn’t know………

66. What are you doing right now?
Resting by doing this brainless quiz and then hitting the sack.

67. Which primary school are you from?
NCHS

68. Name 3 colours that you like.
Orange orange black.

69. What emoticon do you like to show?
MONKEY.

70. What is your life to you?
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
Churn it outside in inside out in my mind until i get over it.

72. Who did you last chat on msn today?
J C

73. Who do you admire most?
In terms of??? Too many to list

74. Which month are you born in?
Aug

75. How are you feeling right now?
Tired

76. What’s the time now?
1.07AM

78. What colour did you use to dye your hair?
dark reddish brown.

79. Why are you doing this?
Break

80. What do you do when you’re moody?
Walk in the rain, go crazy, scream at people.

81. At which age do you wish to get married?
The age when the right one appears.

82. Who is most important to you?
my parents, my family, my friends.

83. If today is the last day of your life, what will you do?
Give everyone i love a big hug and thank them for being in my life.

84. Who is the person you trust the most?
Ning and J C.

87. What is your goal for this year?
Graduate!

88. Do you believe in eternal love?
I believe i answered a similar question before. Eternity is in the eye of the beholder.

89. What feeling do you love most?
Adrenaline rush.

90. Do you really think its global warming now?
Yes.

91. What feeling do you hate most?
Powerless-ness. Directionless anger.

92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours ?
Yes. My friends are my pillars, besides my family.

93.Do you believe in God?
I believe in the existence of a higher being. They have different names in all religion but i believe essentially ends up pointing to the same higher power.

94. Who cares for you most?
Family and friends.

95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
To experience, to achieve, to live love experience without regret.

96. What will you bring when you fight?
My fists and my taichi skills (none-skills??!!)

97. What have you done and regretted doing in your whole life?
Never mind about what i’ve done. But I have regretted not telling, not trusting and not being courageous enough. But i’ve also come to learn that each decision is a fork you take in your life which shapes you and determines where you stand right now. No one knows if a different decision might have ended things different… or how different. And i’ve learnt to accept the past decision, regret or not.

98. What would you feel if no one longer cares for you?
That would not be possible. I know that.

99. What if your boyfriend/girlfriend two-timed you?
I’d feel angry probably. And sad.

100. How do you feel now?
Kind of relieved… It’s over!!!

Rambles

Fear not of dying, but of not living.

It’s funny how affected one can be, upon hearing the news of someone totally unrelated passing away. Perhaps because the person is of the same age, so young, just so.. so much like you or me. Makes you think of your mortality, think of how life can be so unpredictable, and so full of twists and turns.

Will i be still here tomorrow? Actually that question doesn’t matter if today was lived to the fullest. Life is unfair – some of us get the time to try to accomplish what we want, but we never do. Some never get his/her chance to do it. Yet  perhaps at some other time point, in some other parts of the universe – those who have been ’shortchanged’ might actually have the chance to go again? Maybe… who knows. But seeing as to it being such an uncertainty, why not just try not to shortchange ourselves?

–

The most beautiful and biggest diamonds are made under the greatest pressure.

Like i poked on my laptop, i have to remind myself to remember that. These few days have been a state of limbo, perhaps a building of pressure. One of my friends gleefully told me: “The HEAT is on!”

On and off i have always kept wondering if i’ve bitten off, at times, more than i could chew. Yet at the same time, i have always knew that responsibility is what makes one grow up and learn. In a sense, with responsibility you have to GROW, you’re forced to. There’s no choice in that.

天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行弗乱其所为，所以动心忍性，增益其所不能

–

My thoughts are quite in a ramble. It’s time to get back to studies.

The Crab Theory – from Samuel Patrick Smith

I’m a member of the IBM HQ (International) so my Linking Ring magazine comes once a month in my mailbox. Usually i’d flip through the magazine scan through the big news in the international magic community, give a big sigh at some of the advertisors in the magazine, and then put it aside. This month, interestingly, as it would have been, the editor of  The Linking Ring magazine wrote about something that piqued my interest. Timely – but i’ve only got time to blog about it now.

Samuel Patrick Smith is a fantastic family magician and i own several of his books. I like what he writes about each month, but this one particularly so. Briefly, he talked about his vacation as a young kid where he caught crabs during holiday… And noticed something. That the crabs when caught and placed in a bucket, were extremely helpful in stopping other crabs from getting away. How so? Simply that if one “ambitious, foresighted crab climbed up the side of the bucket in a dramatic attempt to escape from Alcatraz, other crabs grabbed and pulled him back down”.

He related this crab behaviour to human.

“Most people want their friends to succeed, but if they move too far ahead or make positive changes that strike too close to home, watch out! A hideous claw shoots out, grasping for some way to maintain the status quo in their crab-inhabited universe! … … They make sly, sarcastic, deprecating remarks about your accomplishments in a feeble effort to make their own mediocrity more palatable.“

A year or more ago, i might have differed in opinion to Mr Smith. Now, not so… It may be weird to compare human beings to crabs, but indeed, if i might say so, some of us, really do exhibit this behaviour and much fiercer than crabs ever do. I find it personally, quite an alien concept that as a friend, one would try to drag and deter your friend from advancement. (That’s NOT a friend) But as it turns out, such a concept consciously or unconsciously does not seem too alien to many.

Crab-behaviour consciously or not, it is disheartening and hurtful still that people do exhibit this behaviour. And in cases where one becomes more successful, one can expect to receive MORE of such behaviour. But i guess, we can still take heart that in the case of such, then just remember that there are always people who would still love and support you no matter what. And remember:

“Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius.”

If one should happen to be more on the ‘crab-side behaviour’, perhaps he or she should do well to try to remember, as Mr Smith so rightly points out, that the “act of belittling someone else’s success or desire for improvement robs the crab-minded of their own opportunities for advancement”.

And as he says:

“If we have the fortitude not to act like crabs, our own sucess may just be around the bend.”

Fantastic week. :)

The whole week’s has been just amazing with Sexy Magic/ Urban Illusions (Merlin Awards) + a fantastic Thursday!

Thursday was wonderful. I headed to office early for the packing of Magic Boutique orders while prepping for a meeting with the student producers of a local TV station. It seemed just promising but when news came later that there was some big project in the brewing, i knew the day was going to be just a big blast. Meeting with the producers went very well (and i have a lot of things to prep!) and exciting things were happening!

Small Shaun (i’ve gotten used to calling him that and can’t change now) came into studio and i was very happy to see him around! After Destination X, i’ve always quite relished any chance of talking with him about magic. His unique POV, and his thinking of magic and his knowledge of magic has inspired me to think a lot more about my own things and part of why i came up with a routine was because of the talk with him.

After seeing some mind-blasting magic from J C’s past close-up repertoire, i was quite blown away. I tell you, i’ve never stopped being amazed in all aspects after working in there… I’ve also finally learnt some stuff that i have been wanting to correct for the longest time. I love stage magic, but i also quite like close-up. It’s always quite irked me to quite a point that i had some basics that were not done the right way (i knew that after a long time only) and i was way too used to correct them. Learning these basics, i was once again back to the craziness of doing something non-stop for a long long time. *grin* I find myself once again falling asleep sitted on my bed with my deck of cards in my hands, and yesterday, with my close-up mat, coins and cards in my hand.

This is totally the feeling of practise practise practise because i so LOVE doing what i wanna do.

Anyhoos the great thurday didn’t end there, with a great dinner and after dinner entertainment too (magic.. what else! ) Despite tests and stuff, i’ve been on such a high spirit because of the wonderful Thursday. I guess it’s been such a long time since i thoroughly enjoyed myself in one day with everything just simply going swell. I really love the company in the studio, love the things i’m doing. I am so thankful and grateful once again for everything so far!

These days, i barely have time to sleep, much less blog. Academia and so many things else just pile on non-stop. School is unusually heavy with unending assignments, tests and presentations. Work has never stopped, and i’ve never stopped loving my work. Still, at times, all i want to do is to just stop and take a breather.

I want more time to contemplate, i need more time to think. There are so many things i wanna learn, so many things i need to brush up on, but the darn school work just never stops.

As you can see, this is pretty much a ‘complain’ entry.

But all that aside, i love what i have in my life right now (exception of schoolwork). There are things ‘going on’ for me that i never thought i could have. There are people in my life i cannot fathom to be without. There are so many things that i’m learning and absorbing right now. There are things that could have made it better, but one can’t complain can she. Not when i’m so fortunate. At times i’m even worried that this is just a dream that i’d wake up from. Perhaps that’s why i work (in my friend’s term) unusually hard – though i never think it’s unusual. I’ll keep pushing on!

Honestly, half a leg is out of the coffin (think school) and i have about 1 FYP semester plus one more month of exams to go only. And of course plus all the work in between. I cannot wait to get my certificate and start work, because then i would be able to put my mind to work. But before that, i’m still thankful for so many things going on now.

Last night was the Merlin Awards and really the first time for me to be ‘jaga-ing’ the AVL for a full hour long event show, from mic to music, to light to video. Ultimate Magic was a first, but the AVL crew had already been rehearsing with us for months. Whereas for ytd, it was the first time we were working together.

Few people ever appreciate the backends of shows that happen. I do now, especially after doing backstage crewing and AVL etc. And unlike most performers, while i do love to take to the stage, i have never felt that doing backstage/ crew work was any lesser. To me there is enormous gratification in the success of a show, even if i’m never in the spotlight. I know for a fact, some people have never understand that high that i get from every successful show/ event that i’ve been.

I’m gonna work hard and gain more experience from every single show that i participate in, in whatever ways, to make myself better and get better in every single thing i do.

有时候，就是偶然。那么偶然，又想起莫些事情，莫些情景。

又或许，与其说是偶然，更应该说是必然吧。是必然会走过莫些店家，看到莫些事物，想起莫些事情，莫些情景。不明白的是，心中的那隐隐作痛，不是应该随时间有些淡忘吗？奇怪，那根本没有发生。

心，抽痛抽痛。

More than Paranormal…

Time now is about 1am… I’m taking a little break from the mind-numbing lecture note studying for tomorrow (no actually, today’s) test later on.

Just some thoughts i had today, which seemed pretty interesting to share here:

I had a very interesting lecture today on sarcopenia. With the exception of the two pages of blank notes , for the first time, i had scribbled a whole lot of stuff on my notes – some related, mostly only somewhat related. (My attention span is quite definitively 45 minutes, thereafter it wanders for 15-minutes to half and hour, after which it returns, thus explaining the two blank pages.)

The topic was not extremely interesting by itself.

Sarcopenia: Wasting and loss of musculature due to old age.

By itself, it definitely wasn’t interesting enough to have caused me to scribbled so much notes that i haven’t seen my lecture notes in such a state since lord-knows-when. What had caught my attention was, near to the end, experiments conducted and some of the conclusions. To save you the huge headache, one conclusion that the scientists had was that old muscle cells (satellite cells to be exact; but no need to get hung up on terminology) seemed to regain functionality in young serum.

And one of the way they achieved this conclusion was through an experiment called parabiosis. Simply put, it’s an experimental procedure that achieve the effect of having two separate mouse undergo surgery so that the two mice share one circulatory system instead of two. In effect, a reversal of siamese twin separation procedure.

Few thoughts that came up to me during lectures.

1. For almost all disease related somewhat to age and etc, the onset inevitably starts at about 60 years old. And i wonder if humans were ever meant to live beyond that age? In this technology and age where humans seem to live regularly beyond even the age of 80, did nature mean for that to happen? Perhaps it will serve us better to remember to live instead of trying to delay death. In fact, as we live longer physically, are we living longer, truly?

2. For the hypothesis of old muscle cells regaining functionality in young serum. It reminded me of certain people known in history, mostly royals, who believed that bathing in young virgin blood would keep one young and rejuvenated. It was very interesting to me to ponder upon the fact that thoughts like these existed centuries ago, and are now being proven as we speak. Of course, in terms of science, i know that these historical people (most of which who were later killed by their village people and therefore never lived to old age) would never have been able to ‘absorb’ the young blood. Yet, the morbid scientist in me wonder if they had lived to old age, if they would actually really stay young?

One additional thought: How did they instinctively grasped this knowledge of ‘young serum’ rejuvenating the ‘old’ centuries ago?

3. Of parabiosis – one of the ironies to me that humans would be struggling to achieve individual identities and even do so at the risk of deaths (for siamese twins), but yet, we conduct such experiments on mouse and rats as though it was but an appendix removal surgery. The only reason that other experiments might have be used in place of this being that parabiosis was too expensive. At the risk of sounding like some great zen master, i cannot help but wonder if humans do have the right to treat any other animals in such way?

Interestingly during the 3 hours-long biology lecture, as you can see, most of my mind was on some other philosophical; ethical and paranormal questions.

Maybe i’m watching too much X-Files, leading me to keep asking the questions: ‘What if…?’ overextensively.

But then again, most who know me for a long time would know that i have been very interested in paranormal all the while. UFOs, ghost, poltergeist phenomena, instant human combustion, urban myths and legends, etc etc intrigue me a lot. From when i was little, all the way up to now.

In fact, this interest is one of the few that i’ve sustained for such a period of time – the other being magic, juggling and ballooning. When i was younger, the interest laid simply in stuff like ghost (scary) and manifestos. As i grew older, the interest grew to include anything out of the normal, including anything and everything. I devoured books on vampires (those scientific ones; not those Twilight ones, though i did occasionally still read those), UFO, Bermuda Triangle, Loch Ness monsters, Big Foot and so forth. Perhaps the graduation from the stories to the scientific aspects of such what people deem as ‘abnormal’ stuff was what kept me glued to these subjects and subsequently kept my interest in science (ironically, since science has been knowned to debunk much of the so-called paranormal).

But perhaps, what had really kept my interest was because I’ve always found these subjects fascinating beyond the obvious facts that they were unexplainable, but also because of the something deeper within each mysteries that keeps me thinking.

I must admit, i think, despite insistance that i’m quite normal, i’ve got quite unique interests in this sense.

Heh…there’s still quite some musings about paranormal i have right now. Split brain, extra-ordinary sense, etc… but it’s time to get back to studies.

Till the next entry… Adios.