Dedicated to my Grandma

Every once in a while, i meet up with my magic friends – kind of like a Hogwarts gathering where you see cards and coins flying etc, and i sometimes get the question: what was your most difficult show you’ve done? Well it used to be that i’d tell them about three shows on the same day, when i was terribly sick and throwing up off-stage but have to turn on the on-stage persona the next min. But honestly that wasn’t as hard as the string of 3 back-to-back shows i did two wkends ago.

It wasn’t that the children were ‘naughty’ or boisterous. On the contrary, they were very well behaved. I wasn’t feeling well, but that wasn’t the main thing either. My grandma had just passed away, and i was running the shows while her wake was on-going. My heart was heavy, but i knew i had to be professional. It made me want to cry though, when i saw the birthday kids’ grandmother hugging the kid. Because i knew mine was gone.

On 28 September, Grandma passed away without any warning.

And i never got to say goodbye.

As a kid, my mum and dad were busy with work so i was brought up by my grandmother. We lived near each other – grandma at blk 53, us at 67, and my aunt and uncle at 63 and 77. Everyday, my grandma would walk over to our house buy the veggies, cook our meals and take care of us. One of my first memories of my grandma was when i was young, probably about kindergarten age. I rmbr that seemed to be the first time that i saw my grandmother leave my house, and i was wailing because i thought i’d never see her again. Of course that was just kiddy thoughts, and after that i realized she would come back everyday, so after my mum pacified me with some TV time, i was alright. But that remains my first memory of my grandmother.

Subsequently I grew up, and became less dependant on Grandma. I probably cannot rmbr half of what Grandma did with me (and my bro), but i do rmbr some outings together. I rmbr us going Haw Par Villa together with my cousins and uncle and auntie and grandmother. I did not realize how much it meant to my grandma until during the packing of her items post-funeral when i saw the photo of us at Haw Par Villa. (I was just really a teeny todd) That photo was torn and tattered AND repaired with tape. Now i wish there’s one more photo of that, cos i would keep it nice and safe.

Few years ago, I went back to Kinmen with my grandmother, my mom and aunt. 14 days we spent together going back to the ‘old lifestyle’ tracing back my roots in Taiwan. I saw my great grandmother, remade connections with those relatives. My great grandmother is a strong lady, and at that time, still joked that my grandma could not walk as fast as her.

Two years ago, my grandmother started getting frail. She got in and out of hospital, but knowing her, and her strength, we knew she’d recover and she did. She wondered if she’d see me graduate, she wondered if she’d see her great granddaughter Andrea’s birth. She did. She not only saw me graduate, but also saw the birth of Andrea.

When i graduated, i brought her along for the convocation ceremony. I rmbr that she was very emotional that day. She cried, so happy to see me graduate. She told me i might be the last grandchild she saw graduating. Unfortunately that came true.

 

It’s been 14 days now since her passing and i miss her terribly. My grandmother knew not a single written word or letter, but she one-handedly brought up most if not all of her grandchildren. Her whole life was dedicated to the family.

Thank you Grandma, I LOVE YOU.